Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in twointhemorning's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
7:46 pm	Jazz There’s a distinct difference between jazz from the east and jazz from the west from 1915 to 1969. New York jazz sounds just like New York: autumn leaves falling on park benches, the orange glow of the sky and city lights, the solid, silk skyscrapers. L.A. jazz sounds like Los Angeles: silent rides staring up at waving palm trees, the sun setting over the chocolate mountains, the swirling smoke in sweaty, pitch black nightclubs. There is no theory for jazz, for it is comprised of images. The lazy guitar is the sneaking, hooded man. Each pluck of a bass string is wet, completely pure, the walls are dancing. The notes from the trumpet, the saxophone, they are a woman crying, a man juggling two women's hearts. The piano is the kid skipping down the hall, to tell his friends something only friends understand. That drum: raindrops are hitting the tin. Jazz is about the mood, the tone, the emotion, not exactly about how well one can improvise. Improvisation comes easy to these musicians because they have enough environment to feed off of that it must overflow from their fingers, their lungs, their tapping feet. Each note drips of so much, each note contains a million notes unheard, that not many notes are needed to get the point across. Jazz and blues aren’t written down, because like romance and other things sentimental, it’s impossible to write down. When they are written down, they are caged, imprisoned within the constraints of the page. They are meant to cascade through the night air and spread through summer afternoons. There’s no need to name the greats of jazz. That would cage them when they deserve to encompass Los Angeles and New York City and everything in between and external. Jazz is how music breathes. I don't know why I just wrote that. Makes no sense. andy yeh (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
12:27 am	So "Things That Break" is slowly becoming a very far away possibility. But before, it was a complete impossibility. So this is progress. I won't stop until this project is the best that anyone can ever believe. My New Years Resolutions: 1. To stop shitting in the kitchen sink (and then cleaning dishes with it) 2. To stop eating off of those dishes 3. To get more oxygen in my lungs, not less 4. To realize that totem poles are not going to bring me success 5. To stop having sex during traffic 6. To finally stop experimenting with sperm-laced drugs 7. To create that bunny sanctuary SLASH genetic factory behind that 7-11 way down on 4th Street 8. To try to find a way so that weed is a genuine part of my nerve tissues and blood stream 9. To complete the fourth tier of being a licensed alcoholic bum with schizophrenia and herpes. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
8:19 pm	These People Aren't Your Friends Upper management is sorting through numerous issues pertaining to ODTS being broadcasted on the N Channel. So until then, no new transcripts from episodes. I'm currently working on a film entitled "Things That Break." It's ridiculous. But it involves vagina jokes and around 500 expletives, and it's also a comedy about rape and a ridiculous throwback to French New Wave and Italian cinema which in the hands of a 20-year-old kid like me is even more ridiculous. It's the film Antonioni and Fellini would make if they were mentally retarded. Or a Truffaut film if he was obsessed with vaginas and the f word. Or something Kieslowski would make if he wasn't him. If you know your meaningless cinema trivia. Otherwise, you have no idea what I'm talking about, I don't either. So here goes over $15,000 down the drain. I'm also ridiculous, did I mention that? And sad. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 13th, 2004
7:39 pm	update ONE DICK TO SUCK have been RENEWED for another season on another channel! After being dropped mid-season last year on LATV, after MEX 2 THE MAX, "ODTS" has been picked up for a mid-season debut on the N channel (www.the-n.com), nestled comfortably between hit shows DEGRASSI and RADIO FREE ROSCOE. Many have been critical, once again, of ODTS being a part of odd programming. DEGRASSI and RADIO FREE ROSCOE both deal with adolescent love, pregnancy, suicide, but all aimed towards teenagers. Creator and writer of ODTS, Andy Yeh, commented that ODTS "fits quite nicely" between these two shows and deals with "pornography in a socially conscious way." Fans of the original ODTS will be relieved to hear that the original cast will be getting together for the new season. It will pick up where the original left off. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 19th, 2004
4:35 am	I'm A Useless Person twointhemorning's ninth cd "leaving (los) angeles behind" and IAF T-Shirts will be out January 2005 1. Sounds 2. Sophie 3. Capitol Hill 4. Pavement Princess 5. Actress 6. Inhibition 7. All Aboard The Censorship 8. To My Surprise 9. 44 Teeth 10. Murder Party 11. Love Is Wearing A Wire 12. Shutter Speed (Half Aware) 13. Simultaneous 14. Should I "flicker skin project" still in progress, if you have anything to spare, the smallest donations would be appreciated. #25 & #40 - always be Angels selected lyrics - FOR BETTER LEARNING! CAPITOL HILL Presidential lies is what you sold - You claim but that's not what I'm told And here's the rain bringing pain to whatever's got a heartache, hey It comes inside, through my veins, its too much for me to take - why don't you Find a way to come home - and find your sins so you're not alone Cut all your ties to the capitol - Citizens are chained along the polls PAVEMENT PRINCESS FBI could you arrest me - For the crime of espionage - Clandestine at love, oh yeah - I thought I could get some I should have choked the girl I like - 'Cause she'll never really know that I'm obsessed I may have just died - She'll blame it on the booze and on her dress People like to see you fail - You look pale - I'm not like you - take your clothes off - I need to find a way to fall asleep Shotgun, baby, you're my pavement princess - You're my caving concrete confidence I know that we've just only met - And I'm not that satisfied 'cause you're not dead Crush all the dirty grass at night while sneaking to the things that's in my head Memory-Maria, why are you holding that gun - I'm dying Maria - Your body's shaped like a trigger INHIBITION I'll kiss your inhibitions, oh, I'll hold your doubts - Dance with your eyes when your shoes wear out Tonight we'll be the stars that light the world - pretty girl Your hair is caught in the drain - I try to pull it out - Getting wet we start to flood this house I come inside the dark and feel all around - pretty girl Give me this chance I wont need it - Take off your skirt you won't need it I'll hold your fears you don't need it - I'll drink your tears 'cuz i need it We're both so lonely in our respective homes and house - what the hell is romance all about i try to find a hook to lure in a kiss - pretty girl ALL ABOARD THE CENSORSHIP Sail away to metropolitan seas made of metallurgic skin And breathing electric wind and fall in love with him I may not look it but I'm waiting to get sent in Though your dreams are full of Tahitian days and Pacific Ocean swims And waiting until the sunlight dims and wanting the world to end The Censorship is drowning next to your ship Your thoughts are vulgar, get your act together baby, the rules are simple, never speak the truth and never sing About anything more than love I am am am, an American failure - I make make friends with a jailor All my favorite angels are falling - to the USA - I shoot shoot shoot my ignorance to you Corporate phones and foreign soil - Call all the shots on our information Media medium's on the left and right but not on us - who makes news, the news makes news tonight "Don't let them own everything" "I'm just worried" "GIVE US BACK AMERICA!" SHUTTER SPEED (HALF AWARE) Stars have breakdowns - Traveling a million years - They don't give up You wore that dress your favorite dress - on days when we weren't a mess - The bullet comes between the sheets Calm her down with commerce and - gunpowder get her immersed in - News that spin like a top Leave the world behind for free! - But don't adjust the shutter speed - I'm afraid that I'm about to spill Collect your thoughts like cans - And bank accounts make you a man - And raise your kids in crime because you can WE'LL KEEP ON DRINKING SO WE'RE ONLY HALF AWARE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AND WHAT IS HAPPENING IS GIVING ME A SCARE Pass the vodka, darling This is the last time we will let you fill us up with ignorance - I’m ready to go up the mothership another planet No more pigeons in my pillow, no more ghosts amidst the halls and - No more cancer in my body, no more blood in fingernails this Is the last time I will die from love this is the grand finale - No I won’t be pushed around, you’re just a happy schoolyard bully No more waiting for no answer, no more kissing with no teeth - I’ll crack before they catch up to me I am a carbon copy with emotion SIMULTANEOUS Frightened eyes - closed up tight - But it's morning like a scary movie but it's real Jagged lines - signify - ill foundations and the hope of life is just obscene On my lift across the sea - I saw God's feet - It was almost bearable, unbearable It was made of all my dreams - Half immersed in the sea - Simultaneously Abandon your townhouse flat - If tonight's the end you'll kill some time before it leaves Monday is my trip to Rome and Sunday is a home for fears and suffering just stand back and Let it eat you alive - Bleed your kids inside the womb tonight No matter what the cost - just buy the life you see Return me - I'm broken - Jehovah - has spoken - Your mother - said pity - she moved you to the city Eavesdroppers - get cut off - and lovers - all get soft - you're just so - dependent - on everybody but me [UNRELEASED TRACK] (For Film) BOTTLED You slowly bottled me Hire escape - Like a videotape - You corner me in an angle - That's too much to take - Rectangle (Entangled) - You put me in You slowly bottled me - And left no apology - When you squeezed me in the bottle cap collapsed - Everything inside compressed and feeling trapped - Open me up in twenty five years (and drink my tears) Drink me in like wine - Let me get you drunk - I'm inside your lines - Pouring into your lungs Funny day - Looking blue and so grey - The pieces of your puzzle's - Like a drunken parade - A bubble (the rubble) - That you live in Life is the trouble, and the drink in my hand’s the cure - Bleed on the mattress, and wonder where went the year I know love is not enough - I feel old and crushed inside - I won't stand on your feet anymore - I won't keep you in my head anymore I don't like this anymore - Not this cancer anymore - Keep your fangs out of my door - I'm not scared like before (but I'm scared) (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 14th, 2004
2:37 am	EPISODE 6 TONIGHT! on "ONE DICK TO SUCK" Episode 5 "The Operation" (At Cedar Sinai...) [Dick O'Really is wheeled into Evan Harder's operation room] EH: Hey, bud. DO: Yeah. I just want to say again, thank you thank you thank you thank you. EH: Yeah, I know. DO: You don't know what this means to me. I mean, me with a huge dick! That's something that would never happen! EH: Okay. DO: Don't worry, Evan, I'll be respectful of taking your part in the film. EH: Just shut up and let me concentrate. DO: On what? EH: On anything other than the fact that my enormous member is about to be dismembered? DO: And mine too. EH: But you're getting a huge one! DO: And you're getting a two-inch...yeah, you should concentrate. (Back at the house...) [In Junior Biggs' room, POKEY, the PEDOPHILE lies down with Biggs Junior] P: Hey, Jr. BJ: Hi, mister. P: How's life beneath them pants? BJ: Fine. P: Good. Reeeall good. If only you were old enough to appreciate what I'm about to do to you. BJ: What are we gonna do? P: We're gonna play Large Italian Sausage Little Child Mouth. BJ: I think I've seen my mommy play that before. P: Your mom's a slut, then. BJ: Mommy's friends call her that a lot. I guess it's her nickname. P: Let's cut the chit chat, baby. Why don't we turn off the lights. BJ: I'm scared of the dark. P: I'll be right here, holding you. [The lights go out and Pokey begins to do his thing] BJ: I'm cold, can you put my shirt back on? P: No, this is how we play blowjob. BJ: What? [The lights turn on and Junior Biggs is there] JB: You fuck! P: Oh, shit, I am DONE! BJ: My pee pee's bigger. [Junior Biggs grabs Pokey before he can leave and beats him to the ground. They wrestle] P: Your kid's got a fucking faantaastic cock and balls. JB: Thanks, you cocksucker! P: My pleasure...WUUUNNCCHH!!! (Elsewhere in the house...) [The doorbell rings and Max Jerkins opens the door. There stands Tats Titzgerald] MJ: Oh, fuck. TT: What? MJ: You're a fucking whore, right? TT: Um... MJ: Yeah, a fucking cumdrinker. Nice to meet them baaajooobs! TT: Okay, you're weird. Where's Dick? MJ: Where's dick? I'll pull my pants down and you can try to find it. TT: Dick O'Really. MJ: Really, really, baby. TT: No, isn't there a Dick O'Really who lives here? MJ: There's a dick living in my pants. TT: What the fuck do you want from me? What do I look like to you? MJ: A whore. TT: ...Okay, so I am. But what do you think I'm gonna do, fuck you? MJ: Uhhhhhhh, I believe that is correct! TT: All right, if you want. [At this point, Mike Rowenie walks down the stairs and sees Tats] MR: Tats? TT: Mikey? MJ: No! I was just gonna get laid. And I actually made the effort to stop whacking off for ten seconds. MR: What the fuck are you doing here? Looking for Evan? TT: No. Dick. MR: Well, you came to the right place if you're looking for dick. We got balls as well. TT: No, Dick O'Really. MR: Yeah, I'm really serious. Pick a dick, we got all kinds. TT: Dick O'Really. Penis O'Yeah. MR: Oh. Yeah. Bad timing. He's at the hospital? TT: Why? What happened? MR: He's getting a sex change. TT: Oh, my God. MR: Yeah...so...I mean...you wanna get something to eat? TT: Like your cock? MR: I was thinking some chicken, but that will do for now. MJ: Come on! I wanna fuck, PLEAAASSSEE. (At Cedar Sinai) [The operation is over and Dick and Evan are wheeled back into their room] DO: Holy, fuck, Evan! You see this fucking bulge! Unbefuckincredible! EH: Yeah, cool. DO: Where's your spirit, man? EH: On your groin. I feel like shit. DO: The pain will wear off. EH: It's not the pain. It's how small my dick is now. DO: You'll get used to it. EH: Took you nineteen years. [The room door opens and MINNY McMASSIVE comes in] EH: Holy fuck. DO: Hey, Minny. We're gonna fuck! 'Cause I got a massive one now, bitch! MM: I don't think so. DO: Hey. You look different. Did you change something? MM: What do you think? DO: Looks like you either got more makeup, or you lost a breast, or your hair maybe? Oh fuck! You got one tit! MM: Thanks, ass. DO: So does that mean you're not gonna fuck? MM: Would you wanna fuck me, Dick? DO: Shit, my preferences are tediously low. [Minny draws out a pistol and puts it against her head] EH: Whoa, what the fuck is that, Minny? DO: What the fuck do you think it is? MM: Both of you shut up! I'm gonna do me in right now. DO: I'll do you in, bitch, put the gun away. MM: Fuck you! I'm gonna kill myself. DO: Let me fuck you first, please? MM: You cowards! You did this, Evan. EH: Hey, relax, honey, I fucking lost my dick. MM: What? EH: Yeah, you heard me, my colossal cock is gone. DO: I got me a big'un. MM: Oh, my God, Evan. EH: Yeah, you fucking one-titted whore. MM: You small-dicked assfucker. EH: Give me the gun. I wanna kill myself. [Minny puts the gun on Evan's bed. He picks it up and shoots himself in the head] [Blood splatters everywhere. Stunned, Dick starts caressing his newly large cock] MM: Oh, my God! He just shot himself. DO: Call 911. MM: We're in a hospital. DO: How the hell did you get a gun? MM: I fucked the gun shop owner. DO: How the fuck did you get there? MM: I fucked the cab driver. DO: How did you get outta the hospital? MM: I fucked the nurses. DO: Ooh. That's pretty nice. MM: Yeah, they weren't even guarding my door, I'm just a lesbian whore. DO: So how did you get out? Sleep with the guards? MM: No, he was jerking off to porn. DO: Oh, which one? MM: The one where you and JB's balls touch and you guys got mad and started fighting DO: Oh, that's a good one. MM: Yeah, I always wanted to be in that scene. It's got such great - [Evan's body starts twitching] DO: Oh, fuck, he's still here. Call the fucking doctor! MM: I don't know how? DO: Just fuck him, you slut! MM: I kinda maybe sorta gave head to every single doctor here. They're all asleep outside. DO: So you're just gonna let Evan die? MM: He wanted to. DO: I guess. MM: You wanna just leave him here? DO: Okay. MM: Wanna fuck? DO: I guess, whatever. [The door bursts open and Max comes in, breathing heavily, panting] DO: What the fuck are you doing here? MJ: I broke my dick, man. I fucking decapitated my bro, bro! DO: How? MJ: I jerked off too hard. DO: But you don't even use your hands. MJ: I know, but I'm tired of that. So I tried fucking Pokey's ass. That shit's so tight it broke my dick right in half! MM: Well, we were just gonna fuck. You can join. MJ: Oh...well...okay. . . So what happened to Evan? DO: He blew his brains out. MJ: Oh, okay. Well, let me warm things up. Let's fuck then. DO: Okay, but if your balls touch a single fuckin' hair on my body I will kung fu your ass. MJ: Done deal, classy. What's gonna happen with JB and Pokey? Are they really gonna have a threesome? Will anyone save Evan? And everything else! Tune in next week for another episode of ONE DICK TO SUCK!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
6:56 pm	Theme song The theme song for "ONE DICK TO SUCK" was just converted into wav format from the original TV recording. (Comment on this)
4:12 am	INTRODUCTIONS For those of you who are just tuning in. A recap: ONE DICK TO SUCK is the only full-English-speaking daytime drama for nighttime programming on Spanish channel LATV, right after the hit show MEX 2 THE MAX every Tuesday. It follows a group of porn actors, a pedophile, and their plumber, as they live together and work to make "The Postman Always Cums Twice," the most innovative porn film of all time. Show creator Andy Yeh has posted up transcripts of early drafts of the show upon cancellation of the show earlier this year. The porn actors live in BONER MANOR, a mansion in Beverly Hills. They are frequented by a pedophile milkman and a horny plumber. ANDY YEH is EVAN HARDER who plays HUGH (the G is pronounced) POLE in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," a middle-aged proprietor of a roadside restaurant, who hires the handyman who will eventually have an affair with his wife. In real life, Mr. Harder has a massive, thirteen-and-a-quarter-inch penis. He mainly annoys the hell out of people and thinks he's the boss when it's really everyone else. EDDIE FIGUEROA is MIKE ROWENIE who plays TOTEM POLE in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," the brother of HUGH POLE. In real life, Mr. Rowenie is constantly going through drama and transformations, first as a man, then a gay man, then a man again. Although good-natured and kind, Mr. Rowenie has undergone self-deprication and a string of misfortunes, therefore, cannot handle the life that is dealt. ALLAN JI is DICK O'REALLY (previously Penis O'Yeah) who plays JOHNNY MONSTROUS in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," the handydandyman who plots the death of Hugh Pole with his wife. In real life, Mr. O'Really has an o'really small penis. He compensates by being really good at oral sex, the only thing he is allowed to do in his porn films. He is mainly emotionless but somewhat compassionate. JONATHAN CHOU is JUNIOR BIGGS who plays NEIL COCKSTRONG in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," the D.A. involved in the romance and best laid plans. In real life, Mr. Biggs desperately has childhood issues leading to getting a lowfro, a perm of the pubic hair. He thinks everyone's beneath him and that his perm is the most important thing that anyone will ever come across. CYRUS JAMSHIDPOOR is POKEY the PEDOPHILE. He is a milkman. And a pedophile. He is obsessed with flat chests, tiny bulges, and six is the prime age in his book. He isn't afraid to admit his love for underage children and his leans to homosexuality. He is kind-hearted but may get out of hand due to his passion for childish antics, love of children, and being a child. TRAVIS ROEMHILD is MAX JERKINS. He is the plumber and all-around handyman at BONER MANOR. He's also excruciatingly horny. He'll do anything for sex, wants nothing but sex, and jerks off nearly every two seconds of his existence. His mind cannot produce any thoughts other than sex and he has mastered Stage 2 Freejacking, meaning he is able to masturbate without the use of his hands. He is able to masturbate right after he has just ejaculated. In fact, it only makes him hornier. He escapes his female-less life with weed. MINNY McMASSIVE plays INITA DICKS in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," as Hugh's adulterous wife. She has huge bjoobies, much like everyone else on the show. But they are McMassive. She used to have a thing with Junior Biggs but is now romantically involved with Evan Harder. PERKY GIVENS & CLITTY St. GUZZLIER play the WHORE SISTERS in "The Postman Always Cums Twice," as the two slutty sisters who frequent the restaurant. They're both huge sluts in real life. Perky is super nice and personable while Clitty is the biggest bitch on Earth. She deliberately hates everyone. TATS TITZGERALD works at MANNY'S CAR WASH in West Hollywood. Back at SexTech High, she and Evan Harder lost their virginities to each other. But Evan took his virginity back, broke Tats to tits, and fucked the rest of the high school. She has huge two ton breasts, is a working girl, and is soon romantically involved with Dick O'Really. She gives good head. BOULDER MOUNTAIN is the director of "The Postman Always Cums Twice." He is mild-mannered and has a two-inch penis. He won back to back awards in 1997 and 1998 for "Worst Obvious But Obscure Porn Name." He claims to have invented the speedo, coined the phrase "Is it hot in here or is it just me," and ran for U.S. Senator forty-three times with no avail. He is currently married to Jennifer Park. And everyone else...well...they're there. (Comment on this)
1:18 am	BONER PARTY USA We interrupt ONE DICK TO SUCK for a ten-minute episode of BONER PARTY USA with POKEY the PEDOPHILE & MAX JERKINS the PLUMBER!!! (On the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE) [Pokey and Max are in their car, locked in traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge] MJ: Can you drive next? I can't jerk off while driving. P: You jerk off without hands. MJ: I know, but all this traffic gets in the way. P: I don't wanna drive. MJ: I'll find a cute six-year-old for you. P: Okay, well, now that sounds kinda interesting. MJ: So...you drive next, okay? [At this point, they both notice that the car beside them are populated by gorgeous women. Max rolls down the window] MJ: Hey, good-lookers. LADY #1: Hi. MJ: You ladies looking for some hot, manual action? LADY #1: No thanks. MJ: My friend here's in show business. LADY #2: Oh yeah? What kind? MJ: Child pornography. [The hot ladies roll up their windows and somehow wriggle their way through traffic] MJ: What the fuck, man, they're not into guys or something? P: You shouldn't have told them about me being in child pornography! MJ: What about R. Kelly? He gets ladies. P: He fucked, like, a fifteen-year-old. I fuck six-year-olds. MJ: I shoulda told them I jerk off forty nine times every hour and I can jack off without my hands. That woulda worked. (Below the SPACE NEEDLE, SEATTLE) [Max and Pokey look up at the thing in awe] MJ: That's a big fucking thing. P: Imagine that motherfucker fucking your ass till its bone dry. MJ: I already came twice. (At MOUNT RUSHMORE) [In the car, Max and Pokey have met up with two other guys, who sit in the back seat] GUY #1: Boy is it hot in here. Mind if I take off my shirt? MJ: Um...I guess. GUY #2: Here, let me help you take off that sweaty shirt of yours. MJ: Yeah...this is kinda weird. P: You guys into children? GUY #2: Oh, I love children! They're fabulous! P: Me too! Especially how their tiny dicks feel in your mouth. Or their little nipples, so soft... MJ: Too much boner in here, maybe we should open a window. GUY #1: Hey! We should all take our shirts off!! GUY #2: Great idea! Aren't you the brainiac in here! GUY #1: You're making me blush. MJ: I don't know about that. [Already, the two guys and Pokey are topless] GUY #1: How about you, Pokey, go down on me. And I'll go down on Seth here. P: You guys ain't no underagers, but who am I to be picky. GUY #2: Wanna join? MJ: No thanks, I'm not into that. GUY #2: You can just watch and maybe jerk off. MJ: Yeah, that's already been taken care of. Twice. TUNE IN ANOTHER TIME FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF "BONER PARTY USA with POKEY AND MAX!" and now, back to your regular programming, another episode of ONE DICK TO SUCK (Comment on this)
Monday, November 8th, 2004
11:00 pm	Episode 5 (PART TWO of TWO) TONIGHT! on "ONE DICK TO SUCK" - PART TWO! of EPISODE 5 "THE PEOPLE VS. MIKE ROWENIE" (In Superior Court) [Mike Rowenie is trying to fight the lawsuits against him] LAWYER: Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, Mike Rowenie - [The court room quietly giggles at the name...] MR: Fucking pricks. LAWYER: - Would like to make a statement. MR: Your honor, I did not have sexual relations with that donkey. [He points at the donkey sitting next to the judge. The prosecutor bolts up] PROSECUTOR: We know you didn't. But what about that other one? MR: Oh, yeah, that one I did, indeed. PROSECUTOR: So, then, you admit to it. MR: Well, yeah, but it was consensual. PROSECUTOR: I don't think we're here to argue whether you fucking a donkey was consensual or rape. MR: Then what the fuck are we doing here? PROSECUTOR: My client is suing you for your gayness. MR: It's my gayness, how dare you sue me? PROSECUTOR: When you impose your gayness upon others and that gayness genuinely affects another individual, it is our problem. MR: That's fucking gay. Why is everyone against me? PROSECUTOR: Because you're gay, Mr. Rowenie. LAWYER: I think we better end it at that. MR: What? {Meanwhile, at the shoot for "The Postman Always Cums Twice") [Dick O'Really is warming up before a scene with PERKY GIVENS] Perky Givens: What are you doing? Dick O'Really: Doing some tongue exercises. Perky Givens: Dang, let me see that thing. Dick O'Really: Yeah, I got a sixpack on my tongue, you know what I mean. Perky Givens: I can't wait. Dick O'Really: You think maybe tonight you'll let me fuck you? Perky Givens: I don't think so, Dick, sorry. Dick O'Really: I'm tired of just eating a girl out. Why can't I get to fuck in these movies? Perky Givens: You're just not made for it, Dick. Dick O'Really: I can fuck hard! My little dick fucks hard good, okay!??! [Boulder Mountain comes up] BM: Hey, Dick, mind putting on your pants? Great, thanks. DO: What the fuck? This is a porno! And I have to put my pants on? (LATER, at Cedar Sinai) [On Evan Harder's bedside stands Doctor Harding and Boulder Mountain] BM: So what's this great idea you got, Evan? EH: This is hard for me to say it, but I think, for the good of the fuckfest, I must do it. DOC: The procedure is rather painless... BM: What procedure? EH: Bo'...we all know that without my humongous cock - DOC: And gigantic pair of tetherballs - EH: - and that...we cannot finish the film. And this film is the most important porno ever. BM: What the fuck are you suggesting here? EH: ...O'Really's always whining about how small his dick is. BM: Really? EH: O'Really. BM: Yeah, I know. But him as a whiner, I would have never guessed. EH: He has a small one, if you haven't noticed. I'm laid up, Bo', so if I just surgically transplant my dick for his, the film can be made. BM: This is a bold step, Harder. DOC: Harding, Dr. Harding. BM: Shut up, fuckface. EH: We have to. It's the only way to save this film. He can fuck with my big dick. I'm useless now. DOC: Are you sure you want to do this? This is irreversible. EH: It's gotta be done. For the good of all degradation of women. BM: You're a brave hero, my son. A brave, brave, big-dicked hero. EH: But, of course, I'm only doing this under one condition. BM: What? [Boulder leans in as Evan whispers into his ear...] (Meanwhile, at the house...) [JUNIOR BIGGS enters the living room to find POKEY, the PEDOPHILE and MAX JERKINS, the plumber, watching TV} JB: What the hell are you still doing here, guys? I need to go get my fucking perm! P: Jerkins and I are going to the grand opening of Kids R Us. MJ: I'll probably be jerkin'. P: And I'll probably be molestin'. JB: Yeah, well can you go, then? I gotta lock up. Come on. MJ: Hold on, I'm almost done. JB: Done with what? MJ: Jerkin' JB: You're jerking right now? I don't see you doing anything. MJ: It's all in the mind, JB, all in the mind. P: He's freejacking. [Jerkins lets out a big sigh as his pants fill up with juices] JB: Get the fuck off that couch and get the fuck outta here! Can a brother just get a perm in peace!?!?! (At the salon...) [Junior Biggs goes to the cashier...] JB: Appointment for Junior Biggs. Three. CASHIER: Yes, sir, you're right here. Come this way. [The cashier leads JB to where others are getting their hair cut. He sits down as the STYLIST comes in] STYLIST: Well, hello, cutiepie. JB: Hey. STYLIST: Now, you're ready for some heat beneath them jeans? JB: Right here? STYLIST: Where else? JB: There's like kids and shit around. I feel kinda awkward about this. STYLIST: Don't worry, child, I've got this under control. JB: You're gonna perm my dickhairs!?!? STYLIST: Who else? JB: I don't know. A classy gal that'll give me head afterwards. STYLIST: I can do that. JB: You're a man! STYLIST: Haven't you heard of homosexuals, child? JB: Oy vey I live with them! [From the corner of his eye, JB sees something. A woman he knows. He goes up to her. She's LUSCIOUS.] JB: Lush. What are you doing here? L: I heard about your perm. JB: How? L: You're the only one. JB: Okay. What are you doing here? L: I need you to do me a favor. JB: No, I'm not falling for this again. I'm not gonna go fix your kitchen sink and end up on the bottom of a pile of dicks. L: No, not this time. You see this boy? [JB looks down and sees a five-year-old, cute as a button, quiet, shy...] JB: You want me to fuck him? L: No, JB. He's my son. JB: You want me to fuck your son? L: JB. He's OUR son. He's yours. JB: But...we used condoms. Don't say we didn't, I have a lifetime supply for free so you know I use 'em. L: I'm sure he's yours. [Luscious pulls down the boy's pants and JB looks instinctively] JB: Damn, that's a big ol dick for a little kid. L: He's only five. JB: I don't know, man, that looks more like a seven to me, damn! L: No, he's five-years-old. JB: What's his name? L: I named him after his father. JB: Biggs Junior? BJ? L: Junior Biggs Junior. JB: Well what the fuck do you want from me? L: I've gotta go somewhere. For a while. I thought - JB: No way. L: He should be with his father. His real father, not some asshole I pick from the street everyday. BIGGS JUNIOR: Mommy has alottalotta friends. L: JB, I need this. JB: Where you going? L: I can't say. But I gotta go. JB: I don't know about this. [Luscious gives JB a kiss, then hugs Biggs Junior, and quietly walks out of the salon. [JB looks down at his son. He kneels down and smiles] JB: Hi, kiddo. BIGGS JR: You're my real daddy, huh? JB: Yup. [The Stylist walks up to them] STYLIST: So, ready for your dick perm? (Back at the house...) [Everyone except Evan Harder and JB are in the living room] DO: What are you trying to say, Mike. MR: It's over. The film. This house. It's all gone. DO: Why? MR: They're suing me. DO: Who? MR: The donkeys. DO: How much? MR: This house won't even cover it, man. Does your parents have any money? DO: Does yours? MR: You know there's no way. Come on, I promise I'll pay you back. DO: How much? MR: Five million dollars. DO: You won't even pay back five dollars. POKEY: Yeah, you still owe me for that whore. MR: Shut up, you don't even live here. DO: You don't either, Mike. MR: Well, what the fuck are we gonna do now? DO: I guess we gotta sell this house then, try to figure something else. MJ: Can we still get ladies even without the house? 'Cause I'm pretty horny. Right now. [The door opens and closes. JB and his son, BJ, walk in.] POKEY: Ooh! A present for me?? JB: No, asshole, this is my son. MR: Who gives a shit? JB: Who gives a shit about you? MR: Yeah I know that, that's why I should just die then. I'm gay, remember? JB: Oh my God you're gay. DO: We gotta sell the house, JB? JB: Why? DO: Mike's being sued for fucking the donkeys. JB: Where the fuck are we gonna live? What about the film? We won't have enough money! JB: I know...I know. POKEY: Yeah, okay, but you haven't answered me. Is that a present for me? JB: Stay away from him, Pokey. POKEY: I'm just asking. How old is he? JB: Five. POKEY: A little TOO young, but I'll make an exception. MJ: Can I go jack off now? Wait, nevermind, I just came in my pants. Okay, now can I go jack off? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK for EPISODE 6 "THE OPERATION" - guaranteed to change everything you think you know about ONE DICK TO SUCK! (Comment on this)
5:46 pm	Critic reviews MOVE OVER, "THE OC", THERE'S A NEW WINNER IN TOWN AS THE CRITICS WEIGH IN!!! Allan Ji of the Chicago Moon-Times says "ONE DICK TO SUCK is okay." His enthusiastic review is shared with High Times' Travis Roemhild: "Jesus im laughing my ass off and im not even high!" "You are ridiculous" says Cyrus Jamshidpoor of Jamshidpoor News and Kid Views Over FIVE PEOPLE tuned in to ONE DICK TO SUCK last yesterday, claiming it as one of the top rated shows on LATV, the new Spanish channel that has seen almost twenty people between the ages of 18-98 viewing in every week! Entertainment Weekly has voted ONE DICK TO SUCK "ONE OF THE FUNNIEST AND GUT-WRENCHING NEW SHOWS OF THE FALL" "A MUST SEE" "****" - Newsweek Leonard Maltin claims "If you don't like ONE DICK TO SUCK, you must be me, because I'm A Huge Fag!" There's still time for you to have ONE DICK TO SUCK! (Comment on this)
4:06 pm	EPISODE 5 (PART ONE of TWO) TONIGHT! on "ONE DICK TO SUCK" - EPISODE 5: THE PEOPLE VS. MIKE ROWENIE WITH SPECIAL GUEST: TRAVIS ROEMHILD as "MAX JERKINS" (Back at the house...) [Dick O'Really opens the door to see Boulder Mountain, sulking] BM: Did you hear the news? DO: About Evan's accident? BM: That's not good for the movie. DO: I know. BM: We lost our lead. The biggest cock on earth. DO: I can fill in. BM: Um...I'm gonna have to disagree with you on that one. DO: It's not that small. BM: You're right, it's incredibly small. DO: Look, shut the fuck up. Evan will be back. BM: He broke his spine, Dick. DO: All we gotta do is have the girls ride him, he doesn't even have to move! [From the bathroom, Junior Biggs emerges] JB: Hey, Boulder, when's my scene coming up? BM: You didn't hear about the accident? JB: Hear about Mike's dick in a donkey? DO: That was inevitable. JB: Anyway, the toilet's backed up, so... DO: No. I don't wanna call him. JB: We gotta call the plumber. DO: But he's...so... JB: Yeah, well, I gotta jack off, bye. (At Cedar Sinai Hospital) [In the same room lies Evan Harder and Mike Rowenie, both in critical care] Mike: I can't believe I fucked that donkey. Evan: I can't believe her tit was chopped off. Mike: What are we gonna do? We have to finish the film. Evan: There's only one way. But I don't even want to mention it right now. Mike: I was thinking, while making love to the donkey, we should somehow incorporate fucking donkeys in the film. Evan: No thanks. Mike: Are we still gonna go on that trip across America? Boner Party USA!! Evan: Yeah, may I please be switched into another room? (Meanwhile, outside Alice's house...) [POKEY, THE PEDOPHILE, knocks on the door and waits, hands folded behind, penis throbbing...the door opens] ALICE'S MOTHER: Yes? P: Hi. Are you Alice's mother? ALICE'S MOTHER: Yes? P: Hi. I'm Pokey the...milkman. Is your daughter home? ALICE'S MOTHER: Who are you? What do you want? P: This might be a little weird, seeing's how it's modern times. But I'm a gentleman, so I wanted to ask for your permission. ALICE'S MOTHER: Permission? P: To court your daughter. ALICE'S MOTHER: She's six. P: I know. Boy, do I know. May I take her out? ALICE'S MOTHER: Sir, you're a grown man. This is unnatural. P: It's attitude like this that don't help progressing our society! ALICE'S MOTHER: You might want to go fuck yourself. [She shuts the door on Pokey's face. His erection falls apart as he sobs on his way to his Rape Truck] (At the house...) [Junior Biggs cums all over the backed-up toilet, remembers that it's backed up, and kindly strolls out] [The doorbell rings and O'Really gets the door. It's MAX JERKINS, the PLUMBER] DO: Oh...hey... MJ: Fuck yeah, man, it's been a long time! DO: Yeah. How have you been? MJ: Horny as a fuck! Got any clits around? DO: I hate you. MJ: Then why'd you call. DO: 'Cause Biggs backed up the toilet. MJ: No sweat, O Man, I got this shit covered! You can pay in ladies. DO: Just fix the fucking toilet. [JB goes into the bathroom with O'Really and Jerkins] JB: Hey, Jerkins! How have you been, boy? MJ: Jerking off! You think you can get me some pussy to munchy wunch on? JB: I could maybe get you a discount of some porn I might be able to download of myself. MJ: Boy oh boy oh boy I love me some jackin! DO: Are you this horny after you jack off? MJ: I don't get it. DO: Me neither. MJ: Look, you think I could fuck before I fix this here toilet? DO: JUST FIX IT. MJ: Okay, okay, sheesh, don't get your panties in a bunch, unless I can have sex with some hots? Yeah? DO: I can't deal with this. I'm leaving, JB. JB: Yeah I'll take care of this. [O'Really leaves] MJ: This here looks like sperm on the toilet seat. JB: Really. Hmm. Looks like something else to me. MJ: I don't know, friendsies. What were you doing in here? JB: No, I don't think it's cum. I think it's donut glazing. MJ: I'd sure love to glaze me a donut. Have you ever fucked a bullet wound? JB: You're right, it's cum, can you fix it now? MJ: Sure. But I'm seriously horny. Maybe you can give me a lowblow, know what I mean. We'll call it even. JB: That's not me, maybe I can call Mike, but he's at the hospital? MJ: Oh, did he get his dick stuck in a German U-boat again? JB: Donkey this time. MJ: Oh. Well, um, how about just a handjob? [Pokey appears at the open bathroom door] Pokey: Hey, Maxxxy! MJ: The Pokester! What up, child molester? Still molestin' kids? Pokey: Fuck yeah I am! You still wanna go down to the children's ward with me next week? MJ: I sure the fuck do! JB: Yeah, please FUCKING FIX THE TOILET. MJ: All right all right, jeez, blame a man for being completely ridiculously needy for sex. JB: Give him a handjob, Pokey. Pokey: You got it. [Jerkins takes his pants off while he works on the toilet as Pokey uses both hands to rub that monster] (Meanwhile, at the hospital...) EH: I gotta go see Minny. See if she's all right. MR: Eh, she'll be fine. Who cares. EH: I do. MR: You shouldn't. You never give a fuck about anything. EH: Yeah I do. MR: No you don't. EH: I think I'd know, it's my fucking brain I'm thinking with. MR: Whatever. I should know. EH: Shadap! [At this point, two suited officials walk into the room. They surround Rowenie with a piece of paper] OFFICIAL #1: Mr. Rowenie? MR: What? OFFICIAL #1: This is an affadavit. MR: I hate David. OFFICIAL #2: No, sir, you are being sued. MR: By who? OFFICIAL #1: George Cockenball of George's Donkey Zoo Surplus is suing you for defamation of donkey character, emotional distress, and overall gayness. MR: Just my luck. Why don't you just kill me then since I'm so gay. OFFICIAL #2: Shut up, sir. OFFICIAL #1: You're also being sued by donkeys. MR: What? EH: That's fucked up. OFFICIAL #1: A representative for the United Coalition of Donkey Equality is filing a lawsuit against you. MR: Just great. EH: So how much are they asking for? OFFICIAL #2: Five million dollars. EH: Where the fuck are you gonna get that money, Mike? MR: I don't know. Borrow it from you. EH: I don't got that kind of cash. MR: Well, I'll just ask JB and O'Really. EH: If we sold our house it wouldn't be five million. MR: Then I'll just die then. I won't pay. Whatever. OFFICIAL #1: You're so gay, sir. I'm filing a lawsuit against you too. MR: What? OFFICIAL #1: I'll be back here in an hour from the judge's office. MR: For what? OFFICIAL #1: For wasting my time with your gayness. MR: This is gay. I hate life. EH: Shit, that is pretty gay. MR: I should just kill myself then, since I'm so gay everyone has to sue me. EH: Yeah, well, we're all fucked now. (Back at the house...) [Max Jerkins finally cums all over Pokey, who drinks it up gladly] MJ: All done. DO: Good, now get the fuck outta our house. MJ: Look, man, can't I just stay for a little bit? I really wanna fuck. You guys are porn stars. P: I'm not, I've done some kiddie porn, but... DO: Get out, Max. MJ: Fine. Fucker. I gotta go jack off anyway. DO: Pokey just jerked you off! MJ: Not to the max yet! [JB storms into the bathroom] JB: How come no one fucking told me about Minny? DO: What about her? JB: Her left bjoobie's cut off! P: So she's flat now? That's fucking hot. JB: I'm gonna fucking kill Evan!!!! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, after MEX 2 THE MAX, to see if JB kills Evan. How will Mike get his five million dollars? Will Pokey get to court Alice? What will satisfy Max Jerkins' thirst to jerk? Will O'Really just get a bigger dick? Find out next week, in the exciting conclusion of Episode 5 of "ONE DICK TO SUCK" (Comment on this)
2:04 am	TONIGHT! On "ONE DICK TO SUCK" - Part Two of EPISODE 4: "Junior Biggs gets a perm!" (At the car wash) [Junior Biggs and Dick O'Really peruse the shop in the car wash] JB: Come on, O'Really! My perm appointment's in ten minutes. DO: We'll make it. JB: No, we won't! DO: Yes we - wait...you see that cashier over there? JB: That unit with the two ton tats? DO: Doesn't she look familiar? JB: She sure the fuck does! That's Tats Titzgerald. DO: From high school right? Shit, we should say something? JB: I don't know man, it's kinda jizzy. We should call Evan before. DO: But look at those teets! (Meanwhile, at the shoot for "The Postman Always Cums Twice" in Brentwood) [Evan Harder just finished a scene with Minny McMassive and Clitty St. Guzzlier] MM: Damn, Evan, you sure fucked the fuck outta me. CstG: Eh, not so much here. EH: Yeah, well, you're a fucking bitch. CstG: Your dick's weak, that's why. MM: Don't listen to her. She's got a bad hymen. CstG: Minny's clit's better than your dick. And you can't even fuck hard. EH: You fucking bitch, you just - [The director of the film, Boulder Mountain, steps in] BM: Hey, Ev, great job today. That cumshot lasted two minutes straight. CstG: That's 'cause he probably surgically put a semen bag into his balls. EH: Yeah, it's called testes, you fucking whore. BM: Hey, hey, relax, kiddos. Save up that ammo for tomorrow's scene. MM: Hey, Evan, wanna come have dinner with me tonight? EH: No sex? MM: Promise. EH: Good. What about JB? (Meanwhile, at George's Donkey Zoo Surplus, next to the Los Feliz CostCo...) [Pokey the Pedophile and Mike Rowenie pet the donkeys as kids mill about] Pokey: Jeez Christ, Mike, ya see the lack of rack on that one? Unbelievable! MR: I can't handle another second of this. The guys at the house just don't understand my transformation. Pokey: You're turning gay? MR: That's not it, Pokes. It's more than that. It's spiritual. It's not about guys or girls or - Pokey: See that bulge on that boy? Man oh man! Sorry, Mikey, guys and girls, yeah, keep going. MR: Forget it. I'm gonna fuck this donkey. [As Mike climbs into the donkey pen, a six-year-old girl walks by and Pokey stops her] Pokey: Hey, baby. LITTLE GIRL: Hi, mister. Pokey: My name's Pokey! Whats yours? LITTLE GIRL: ALICE. Pokey: Are you Korean? LITTLE GIRL: Yes... Pokey: Hallelujah! How old are you, Alice? LITTLE GIRL: Six. [Tears well up in Pokey's eyes. The cockles of his heart warms up] Pokey: Well, hi, Alice. MR: I'm fucking a donkey, look at me! (AT THE CAR WASH...) JB: Look, we gotta go. DO: No, I'm talking to her. JB: Fine, I'm walking to the place. [JB walks out as Dick goes to the desk and eyes the cashier) DO: Hey. TT: Hey. DO: Remember me? TT: No. DO: SexTech High. It's me. TT: Yeah, I went there, who are you? DO: Dick O'Really. Well, used to be O'Yeah. You're Tats. Tats Titzgerald. TT: Dick! Hey, man, how you've been? DO: Doing pornos. How about you? TT: Being a whore. How's Evan? DO: Doing great. Got the biggest dick these days. TT: Well, he had it back then. Is he seeing anyone? DO: Well, he's a porn star. But no. You? TT: Well, yeah, I'm a whore. Hey, you should give him my number. DO: I was thinking maybe you and I could grab something to eat. Or I can just grab your kootch and eat that. TT: I'm a slut, so okay. Here's my number. (AT THE SALON) [JB goes to the cashier} JB: Yeah, I got an appointment at 3. Junior Biggs. CASHIER: We don't have you here, sir. JB: What? No, bitch, I just walked through Hollywood for a fucking perm. CASHIER: Sperm? JB: Perm, bitch! CASHIER: Sir, you have an appointment NEXT Friday at 3. JB: Oh. Well... CASHIER: Yeah, get the fuck out, sir. (AT THE ZOO) [Paramedics arrive as Pokey laughs at Mike Rowenie, who has his penis and testicles stuck in a donkey's BEhind.] Pokey: Oh, man, wait till I tell the boys about this! It's a laugh-a-minute! MR: Wait till I tell the authorities about your kiddy porn. Pokey: Okay, man, I won't tell. (SOMEWHERE IN LOS ANGELES) [Evan Harder wakes up and finds blood all over his body] EH: Did I just break someone's hymen? [Evan finds that his car is overturned. He's just been in a car crash. Minny is unconscious beside him, one of her breasts lopped off] EH: NOOO!!!!!!!!! NEXT WEEK: EPISODE 5 "THE PEOPLE VS. MIKE ROWENIE" - Will JB finally get his perm before the surprise of a lifetime? Will Mike Rowenie's penis be okay? What will happen to Evan Harder and Minny McMassive? Will Pokey stop wanting little kids? Will O'Really get a bigger dick? Tune in next week, after MEX 2 THE MAX, as we introduce who Travis Roemhild's going to be. [NOTE: Cast is currently shooting the CHRISTMAS SPECIAL "WHERE DID ALL THE GIRLS GO, THE NIGHT BEFORE COSTCO" (Comment on this)
1:25 am	"The Postman Always Cums Twice" Starring: Andy Yeh as Evan Harder Featuring: Allan Ji as Dick O'Really Jonathan Chou as Junior Biggs Tonight's special guest: Mike Rowenie, played by Eddie Figueroa and "POKEY, the PEDOPHILE," played by Cyrus Jamshidpoor (with secret appearances by Travis Roemhild) Tonight's Novela: Minny McMassive: What's the deal with your friend, Dick? JB: He's got a big dick. MM: Really? JB: O'Really. EH: Could ya please suck me now? MR: You're so childish, Evan. P: If only he were really a child! TUESDAYS @ 10PM on LATV, right after Mex 2 The Max! TONIGHT! ON "ONE DICK TO SUCK" - Junior Biggs gets a perm!!! [Dick O'Really's doorbell rings. In his bathrob, he finds Junior Biggs at the door.] DO: What are you doing here? It's eight in the morning. JB: I gotta get a perm! I gotta get a perm!!!! DO: So? What's so special about that? JB: I've never gotten a perm on my pubics before! [Dick drags JB into the house and slams the door shut. He pushes him against the wall.] DO: What the hell are you thinking, JB? You're throwing your career out the window! JB: Why? I'm just perming up my lowhairs. DO: That's precisely my point! JB: Relax, baby, Minny's all about the cockfro. [Just waking up, Mike Rowenie stumbles into the room and stops short.] MR: The fuck you two doing? DO: It's not what it looks like. JB: Oh it looks like what it looks like. 'Cause it's like that. MR: What? Look, I don't care, just as long as I can join. DO: No fucking way, Rowenie, I don't do guy action. JB: What about that one time in Malibu? DO: Hey, that was my dad, so don't bring it up. [The doorbell rings. Afraid, Dick opens the door. It's POKEY, THE PEDOPHILE!] Pokey: Hey, hey, classiess!!! DO: Oh, it's just the milkman. Pokey: Yeah, can I please milk it? I'm the sperm man. Yeah, I'm ridiculous. MR: Get that fucker outta here, I'm going back to my room to jack off. Pokey: You're a porn star, why do you need to jack off? MR: Girls just don't do it for me anymore. Pokey: Anyway, is Evan here? DO: No, he's at the shoot with Minny. JB: What? You fuck! Evan's with Minny? I'm supposed to assfuck her today. DO: You will. JB: I don't wanna immerse my dick in his spermies. Pokey: Just don't do it in the ass. JB: But that's the best. Oh well, she'll like my perm. Pokey: Sperm? JB: Perm, bro. I'm getting a perm. Pokey: I got sperm. DO: No, perm, no S. Pokey: Can't spell kiddy sperm without the I like them sperms pretty young! Will the gang lose Mike Rowenie to the gay side? Will Pokey finally have sex with a six-year-old boy? Will Minny find out that Dick doesn't really have a large member? AND WILL JB FINALLY GET HIS PERM???? Tune in next week after MEX 2 THE MAX for the conclusion of this episode! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
4:15 am	“Roadside Romeos” Andy Yeh (wri./dir.) is accepting submissions for Roadside Romeos, a digital short film about the consequences of a friendly conversation. Shoot starts early November. Copy, credit, and meals provided. There is no pay. Breakdown–Jamie: male, Caucasian, mid-20s; Morrison: male, Caucasian, mid-20s; Barry: male, early 30s, brooding yet fragile; Abbey: female, Caucasian, 18-25, medium-length hair, cute; Anna: female, mid-20s, a prostitute; Melissa: female, early 30s. Send pix and resume to ________. For more information contact two_in_the_morning@hotmail.com. NON-UNION. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 17th, 2004
7:38 am	Are You Y2K Compatible? So the eighth cd has changed. this is the tracklisting, I don't know why I'm putting it up, no one has it, I don't even think I have it: vol 8 of 4, 5-String Guitars TRACKLIST OMITTED It's another collection of me copying other people's music but adding my own style by making it really boring. For good music, listen to: Silverchair, Radiohead, the Walkmen, the Strokes, Dave Matthews Band, The Stills, Dntel, Incubus, Filter, Ben Folds Five, Ride, Jeff Buckley, Elvis Costello, The Shins, Brand New, Eels, Bjork, Frou Frou, Interpol, NIN, G Love and Special Sauce, and possibly EVERY OTHER BAND that's not me. Bye. (I know that the similarities to Interpol, Echo and the Bunnymen, and The Walkmen are a lot, but THE STILLS is the new band to watch out for this year, you giants) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
1:09 am	If someone calls you a pedophile, that's a good thing, right? Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? Fire burns (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 27th, 2004
8:15 pm	Yeah, could you please? Three of the greatest directors of all time are Francois Truffaut, Krzysztof Kieslowski, and Paul Thomas Anderson. Anyone who disagrees does not understand cinema and anyone who does agree is just jumping on the bandwagon, so get off, please. So I like a Frenchie, a Pole, and a California native. So I'll say Buddha's cool so I don't offend the Asian community. I'm going to kill myself now. "Un jour sans ete n'est pas un jour du tout" - Andy Yeh (Comment on this)
Friday, May 21st, 2004
3:09 pm	Anyone interested in working or acting in an independent film Anyone interested in joining a band contact two_in_the_morning@hotmail.com (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 1st, 2004
1:31 am	VOLUME EIGHT of FOUR: Melancholy I don't know what happened, but a few weeks passed, and I realized my wasting time to create what was supposed to be an EP became a CD right in front of me. As always, the production value is sub-par due to my lack of cares. I hate myself because who am I fooling? I'm nothing but a lonely failure. One day, I'll prove myself and all of you wrong, if not, then I'll finish a college degree and get paid 20,000 a year being a gigolo for hidunes and drive-thrus. Volume Eight of Four Tracklisting: 1. Soundtrack for a Wal-Mart Love 2. Carnival (Of Lust) 3. No Way 4. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 5. Derelict Martyr 6. China Shop 7. Untitled Song About Something 8. Will 9. Melancholic Anonymous 10. The South 11. Bloom 12. Elevator (v. 2) If Vol. 7 is said to be the happiest I can get (from the feedback of the only 2 people that have heard it) then Vol. 8 is hypothesized as not that happy, but melancholic, of course, and hopefully will mark the end of me doing this and making cds and being an unknown, or just dying. Good luck to me. (note: andy's "hypothesis" is much like his original and hotly-debated "hypothesis" that the moon's light is a reflection of the sun) (Comment on this)